The night is almost dead but still I cannot sleep.
Baled underneath a thick layer of winter clothes, I am caged under a blanket and even though it feels balmy, my soul is blighting out of cold. Every now and then, I feel my cell is shivering (vibrating) but maybe it’s because of cold? whenever I pick it up there are no messages, no calls and no miss calls even. I type 'Hey.' press 'Send to' and scroll through all the names in my 'Contact list' ending and recommencing the process, never being able to find the Right name to click on. I put the cell down envisioning, what's there to breathe for, what’s there to live for ?
Sometimes, I get envious of the most typical-simple-not complicated-normal people around me. How can they live so purely happy, how can they do so much more then I can? There is a firm shield around me which is annoying and hurtful and all so thorny, pricking my heart all the time. I guess that’s the reason I have so many insecurities. Even if a person takes risk to crack in, he gets injured in the process, looses hope and goes back. I cant' figure out the reason.
I wish I could say, 'I love my self'.
I can't.
Although there is probably 1% chance of me changing your mind but ill stilltake my chances.
ReplyDeleteI want you to imagine some situations before going to sleep next time. Suppose you are a person living on the streets with no family and no money,you stand on traffic signals to request for people help but they just wave you off.Now suppose you are a girl living in remote areas of Pakistan and you never get to step outside your home. You are passionate about studies like you are with your photography but your parents scold you ever time you bring it up for discussion. Suppose you suffer from financial constrains all your life and you start to wonder what a pizza tastes like.
Trust me when i tell you there is more than 50% population of pakistan living worst then the above mentioned scenario. People like you and I have so much to be grateful about. What happens with us is that we establish desires 1,2 and 3 in our life. If we dont have it we feel bad but when we do get feel great. But after couple of months our desires change and now we want 4,5 and 6. Now our previous desires become obsolete and want change and new desires. There is no end to it. This means there will always be some desires unfulfilled.
Have you ever thought what % of population is less blessed than us? Heck! how many people get the chance to have their own blog site and be able to write and read it?
I sometimes feel that if we chase after own desires and happiness then will get hurt but the person who chases after other people happiness for the sake of ALLAH's happiness can sleep a peaceful sleep. i also sometimes think that our lives are not about us but people around us(i know it's easier said then done and i am unable to do it myself).
You know am a very optimistic person and i love everything about my life. And the only reason am able to do it is because of ALLAH. It's not that i haven't endured pain in my life,we all do. You can decide to loose faith in people but never in ALLAH. He knows all our intentions and he will do absolute justice with them.
I know its a good speech but sometimes things are alot complicated that speeches won't do. I know i don't know your pain or your situation or any other factor. Most likely I am fishing in the dark but i had to try. Hope it helps
P.s I am not that good a person as my words may suggest so just consider the words and not the writer.
I'm extremely pleased to see that you took time out to express your point of view and I feel nothing but grateful to you for that...
ReplyDeleteI know the harsh conditions people are living in. I know I should thanks Allah for all the necessities I have, and for all the people I have around me. Alhumdullilah i am blessed.
but when I look at myself today, I find no hope or excitement, am just alive, it’s not like I am feeling lonely or something like that, it’s just the lack of joy, the curiosity, I just don’t feel passionate about anything. It's some kind of calmness or peace or maybe darkness I say that am lost into...
Referring to this: "I also sometimes think that our lives are not about us but people around us(i know it's easier said then done and I am unable to do it myself)."
I agree, no one lives for himself. But u c, there comes a point, when u get tired of doing things for others. It’s not like u want something in return, but that's a human nature I believe. We all want our beloved ones to appreciate us! There’s a limit to everything, even doing things for your friends and family, u cannot just stay quiet. Trust me, you just cannot!
Let me ask you one thing, have you ever felt left out, as in all alone? When you go out somewhere and see all of your friends having get together without you inviting in? When all of your friends talk and laugh while you’re just sitting there clueless about what’s going on? And when they make plans in front of you like you were never there to begin with. It hurts buddy, it hurts!
And as far as optimism is concerned, I am alive because I trust Allah, only Allah. You wouldn’t believe, but I kind of played with my future, to let go all the negative people around me, and thanks to Allah who helped me landed in a good place.
What I have learned in my life uptill now is that the world is selfish, be it your close friends even. Everyone knows you, untill you have something for them, and when you are done helping them, they forget you like you never existed. I often think, why do people always show up only at the time of need? Got no answer yet :p
I am not that good of a writer, but I feel it's the best way to speak or write your heart out, cos no matter what happens, the next day you have to greet the world with this much big smile :D ! I am a happy go lucky type of person, I forget bad happenings easily, I love making friends, but whenever I get time for my self, I think about my life and get jealous of all the happy people around me. That’s it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiHhTdg8qrc&feature=related
ReplyDeletei thought that you might reply by writing WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TEACH ME ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF!,so thank you for not being that sort of person and accepting my comments:)
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on all counts and just to add further briefly.....i too have friends who are selfish like you mentioned but at the same time they are good company too. I get to share my thoughts with them and learn in return also. They are selfish but sometimes caring also. What i have learned is that you have to accept your friends for their good and bad qualities both. They will hurt and please you the same time. The problem arises when the bad part takes hold of the good one. When they become selfish most of the times. Also nobody becomes selfish and a nice person overnight. Give them ample opportunity to understand their nature.
If you have met the wrong people doesn't mean all are that way. Yes we are mostly surrounded by selfish people but not all. Also there can never be a perfect friend.
A friend is like a stick with 2 shades(good and bad). You pick from one end, you're gonna have to live with the other also. All you need to decide is which shade is longer.
yes I've been left out and bruised and i still remember that day. But did all my days went on like that?.....no. I've been on the ride of pain and pleasure both. We all have our ups and downs but more importantly we should never loose faith in ALLAH
you say there isn't much excitement in your life, well one thing you can do is try finding out the purpose of your life. And if you already know that then i'd love to hear it.
I agree about your perspective on writing. I write to know whats inside me and to learn from people's experiences. It's been a learning experience with you also and i thank you for that.
I wish you can find a way to be happy for happy people around you.......that can be a very peaceful experience.
I sincerely hope you find some comfort in my words regardless how minimal it may be. Inshallah you'll find people showing up not in the time of their needs but yours.
As long as you keep your faith in ALLAH, you can sure that something good is around the corner.
Well i don't have a nice song to sum up my argument like you did so i guess ill just recommend you one of my favorites :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ&ob=av3e
P.s do read my blog(understanding pain) when you have time. It would be nice to know your perspective on it.
Sorry for replying late, medicine is NO easy :/
ReplyDeleteAnd no no, I love criticism :p
Coming towards reply, do not you think good friends and friends for need are two different things?
And I know it’s ok to not be a perfect being but still, I believe, if you have decided to be some one’s friend, be 100% good from your end !
Right! Everyone is good and bad at the same time. But, do you know if someone wants you, they won't make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention buddy!
It’s not like I love negativity, it’s just what I think what I observe around me, I write it down...
A nice attitude is not what people are looking for, in today's world, but I won’t give up being nice towards people because I stand here, holding onto my hope…
Ameeen & Thankyou for your kind words! I hope the same actually :p
And I loved the song, pata nahi q it reminded me of this song, some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know (Holding on and Letting go by Ross)
I already did that bro, wrote a para to post even, but thanks to kesc, light went off and I couldn’t post it.
just read your reply.......looks like your holding on to your perspective and am not letting go mine :)(nice song tough)....well lets just put an end to this topic cause i don't want you to go through the hassle of writing long replies....but i'll consider your take on this.I'll wait for your next post but know this that if there is an element of pessimism in it.....i'll be there with my optimism :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS9o1FAszdk&ob=av2e
right, it looks the same !
ReplyDeleteikr, i loved it too :D
no one stops by to hear you, thanks for that man !
and i lost my diary, thanks to maid for doing that. all that stuff that i planned to blog is now gone :/
too bad you lost your diary but don't let that hold you down. you gotta keep writing. you gotta let it out
ReplyDelete