The night is almost dead but still I cannot sleep.
Baled underneath a thick layer of winter clothes, I am caged under a blanket and even though it feels balmy, my soul is blighting out of cold. Every now and then, I feel my cell is shivering (vibrating) but maybe it’s because of cold? whenever I pick it up there are no messages, no calls and no miss calls even. I type 'Hey.' press 'Send to' and scroll through all the names in my 'Contact list' ending and recommencing the process, never being able to find the Right name to click on. I put the cell down envisioning, what's there to breathe for, what’s there to live for ?
Sometimes, I get envious of the most typical-simple-not complicated-normal people around me. How can they live so purely happy, how can they do so much more then I can? There is a firm shield around me which is annoying and hurtful and all so thorny, pricking my heart all the time. I guess that’s the reason I have so many insecurities. Even if a person takes risk to crack in, he gets injured in the process, looses hope and goes back. I cant' figure out the reason.
I wish I could say, 'I love my self'.
I can't.
